Now What?

by Ellie Sugarman (Sarasota, FL)

The many hours, weeks and months that I’ve spent learning Hebrew are almost over.

I will become a bat mitzvah on May 9th, 2009 at Temple Sinai in Sarasota.  My family and friends are planning to attend.

It’s been a challenge to learn not only how to read directly from the Torah, with its minuscule print, but having to learn how any mark under or above each letter alters its sound.

The unique markings above or below the letters, or at the side of a consonant, tell you whether to hold or repeat the sound.  Certain markings will tell you to sound more than one consonant together.  These marks are called the “trope, ” and they help listeners know when a new thought begins and ends.

So, I had to learn not only how to chant the letters which make up each word, but how to stress or elongate the syllables.

All this is not very easy, especially for someone my age!

It’s common for children of thirteen to become a bar or bat mitzvah.  But occasionally an older individual who never had a bar or bat mitzvah dreams of a ceremony of his or her own.

For me, becoming a bat mitzvah became a goal after I found myself as a widow after fifty-nine years of a good marriage. It was very unsettling.  I needed to feel rooted again.

Perhaps I am unique in this need, but I felt learning about my Jewish heritage would offer me solace and well-being. I felt I was on the right path.  I felt sturdier and protected.

It was when some dear friends invited me to welcome the Sabbath over the course of many Friday evenings that I began to have these “feel good” feelings.

Observing the Sabbath each week at their home, and chanting the blessings for the bread and the wine, allowed me to feel the love and warmth of my hosts.

I hadn’t realized what was happening to me.

Returning to the synagogue was helpful, too, and a Sabbath service that I attended about six months ago at Temple Sinai was especially reassuring.

I was asked to recite one of the prayers before the Torah was read, and I was able to do it well.

Walking back to my seat, I had an epiphany. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced.

It had been a cloudy, dreary day, but for a minute the sanctuary suddenly appeared so very bright and sunny.  Everything around me was glowing.

I blinked my eyes, and the natural color of the room returned.

If someone were to tell me that they had experienced this, I would have listened but possibly would have challenged the truthfulness of it happening.

I do not doubt my experience.

My motto has always been, “Yes, I can.”

I don’t know what else I will be able to learn or accomplish in the years ahead.  Right now, I’m looking forward to becoming a bat mitzvah.

After that, who knows?

There’s always a trip to the moon!

Ellie Sugarman, a perennial student, will be called to the Torah as a bat mitzvah on May 9, 2009, to read her Torah portion, Emor. She has volunteered at the Women’s  Resource Center for the past seven years and was a docent at the Ringling Museum of Art for more than 15 years.

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6 Comments

Filed under American Jewry, Jewish identity

6 responses to “Now What?

  1. Eleanor Sugrman

    Dear Bruce,
    Thanks for getting my writing of “Now What” on line with The Jewish Writing Project. It’s accurate and reads well. I hope others
    will enjoy it. Perhaps it will serve others reaching your website as an incentive to accomplish their dreams as well. If not now, when?
    Ellie Sugarman

  2. caryn silberberg

    I was particularly moved by your description of that moment of “epiphany” where things glowed and time stopped. Those moments are astonishing and remind us that life is so much more than it appears on the surface!

  3. Arlene and Charles Silberman

    What an inspiring story!

  4. Mazel Tov, on becoming a bat-mitzvah. My son became a bar-mitzvah at the age of 13. I am sure he did not feel the same way we adults feel at a later age. It is more satisfying. I wanted it at the usually age of 12. I am in my early 50’s now. I became a bat-mitzvah about 3 yrs. ago, in my late fourtys. What was strange my son, David became a bar-mitzah on the same day a year before.
    I, and 10 other ladies became bat-mitzvah. Each of us took a turn at the hoftorah. We did the same haftorah reading you are doing. Emor. I had the hardest time on mine. Because there is one part I have to raise my voice like a opera singer. I practiced and practiced. Never did it right. But G-d knows and most people don’t notice. I remember practicing the chants and troupe over and over again. What I wanted to really do well was the Ashrei, Amidah( torah service prayers).
    I told my son if he can do it, I will do it for him. He was 16 then. So I want to congratulate you. I am sure you will do well. It is life lifting experience. After this I never read for the torah, and in honor of my 50th b-day I read from the torah. Now that was a experience. I actually read g-d’s word. That is touching. The letters printing on the scroll looks like fire.
    I just stumbled on your blog. I will start following you and your blog. Come visit me at my blog, Jewish Rantings.

  5. Sandi Yoffee

    Mazel Tov on your accomplishment!

  6. Pat Alder

    Mazel tov to all B’nai Mitzvot! It is a lovely feeling to be rooted in something so important and evolving. Thanks to Bruce to make a blog like this happen.

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